Oh Easter Break

Ok so I've hit Easter break for college and still feel like I'm not ready but can't wait all at the same time. See the thing is I have 32 days til graduation and it's not going by fast enough at the same time that it's going by too fast. The amount of drama that has happened in the last several weeks make me want to run very fast far away from little town of nowhere, but at the same i know that leaving means that I need a real job, have an enormous amount of bills to pay, and that I really will 130k in debt for school. I think that's the scariest part is the debt. The fact that I should basically already own half a house but have nothing physical to show for all the money, but a piece of paper.

At the same time that I'm sitting through classes, I'm searching for jobs, wedding stuff, and doing a little work related to class all at the same time. I've decided that there aren't enough hours in a day for me to get everything I need to get done and get food and sleep. So I've as usual been driving myself crazy pushing til I can't keep my eyes open and getting up when I can't get my eyes open. I'm pushing through 20 hour days and it's starting to wear on me.

At the same token, I did take a break over the long weekend. Friday I went to my nephew's 2nd birthday party, and then went out bowling with my bestest and the boys and Saturday was spent dying eggs and shopping with my mom and my sister and then visiting my other bestest who's moving to FL this coming weekend. Then I got up early on Sunday and went and did Easter egg hunting and dinner with the family and then my pregnant little sister starts spotting and we ended up spending 3 hours in the hospital before finally getting an all clear and heading home to pack and load up most of the my stuff to come back.

It's a major concern for me with graduation coming that something might go wrong. There really aren't hospitals close to my college and I don't want anything to happen to here or the babies. It's something to be worried about.

And as all this is going down I'm attempting to find a real job. Do I really have to go over how much that terrifies me? The idea of job interviews for a real job and not a temporary thing. Like knowing that when I walk in the door for this that, I'm dedicating myself to this particular company for good or bad, better or worse, sickness and health, etc (and yes, it is highly possible that I'm too much in wedding mode). It's a scary thought. The other part is the being on my own for things part. Like mom and dad not being in the background and helping out (like they will, but they won't). It's this whole odd thing freaking out almost all the time in the back of my brain.

Oh well, I guess now that I've ranted a bit and gotten all that off my chest that it's time to shut up and get out of class. I'll prolly come back and rant some more later this week.