Ok so this morning, I spent 4 hours between driving to, waiting for the techs to figure it out, and getting my blood work done. Round two of blood work for this new doctor I'm seeing - I already got the first results back, but it's really hard to schedule what you know is going to be at least two hours in the lab out of your life for blood work.
So the emotionally devastating health news is NOT cancer. I have however, had to spend some serious time this week evaluating my dreams and plans for my future since something major now seem unattainable. I don't think I'm making it any easier for myself either by hanging out with my niece. I am supposed to babysit tonight, and I really am not feeling up to it. It just doesn't seem fair that she can manage to have 3 babies in two years. I know that something out there has other plans but this is just a huge blow to how I saw my future - with little mini versions of my wonderful husband running around.
My MIL has met my niece. She's not pressuring please I don't even think she knows how. Yet, she had this look on her face the other day and I feel like I'm disappointing her. It makes it worse, for me emotionally at least, that not only cannot I not but that my husband, my in laws, and his whole family are expecting me too.
And, now I am crying again, so I need to take a break from writing about it all ...
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